For the past 3 weeks I’ve been working on an overhaul of Viva Institute’s website. Relaunch was scheduled for last Tuesday, but the task was happily interrupted by a 10 day visit from my parents and a welcome flurry of new clients. Then, just before my parents returned to the States, we received the sad news that Helena’s father suffered two consecutive heart attacks and was in ICU, and everything changed.
Yesterday morning I woke up determined to make it to the finish line. I began tinkering with Viva Institute’s mission statement and the About Us section, something that I’d been avoiding for weeks. I was moving along quickly until I began deleting the words “Viva Institute’s retreat center in the mountains of Brazil.”
As I stared at the screen, every cell in my body swelled with grief.
So much has changed.
For 48 hours, I allowed myself to feel the sorrow of all that we’re going through: Helena’s health, choosing to say goodbye our farm and the dream for our life, and the effort and sheer will of purpose it takes to wake up each day and to remain joyful despite all the uncertainties ahead of us.
Many of you have written to say that you’ve learned so much from our journey, and I am so grateful to know this. Most days, we really do walk the talk. We “keep our vibration high” by focusing on all that’s good in our lives and we do our best not to dwell on the things we can’t control, of which there are many.
There are days when I desperately wish that I could see the finish line—that I could see past that tiny dot on the horizon and know that everything is going to be OK. This is the thought that 70% of the people who call me for readings want the answer to. They call to ask:
When will my house be sold?
Did I marry the right person?
What’s my purpose in life?
Will I ever feel happy again?
What they really want to know is, “Are you sure my life is going to work out, or have I totally screwed it up?!”
Sometimes I have the difficult task of telling people what they don’t want to hear, but the guidance I receive helps to fill in the hows and whys of the greater plan for people’s lives in a way that gives the tough times more meaning. The challenges we face are simply building blocks in our soul’s great design.
Yesterday I met a woman who told me that she had an intuitive sense about the plan for her life, and she was doing her best not to “fill in the grid.” It’s New Age speak for trying not to control the outcome, for allowing things to unfold, and to leave room for the magic in life.
Bit by bit, our new plan is emerging. The signs have been there that it’s time to return to the US, and step by step, the way is making itself known. Still unknown are questions like “When will the farm be sold?” and “Will this move support Helena’s healing?” and (the scariest) “Will she be here to walk this road with me?”
Some days I long for the paint-by-numbers version of my life, but I know that because of the uncertainty, it gives me more reason to have Faith. It pushes me to squeeze the joy out of every minute I can, and to treat myself and others with compassion and love. Each day, it gives me a reason to wake up and say:
“Go ahead, Life—throw me some glitter. Send me a miracle. Surprise me.”
The rest is just details.