One of the things that had been bothering me since the cancer diagnosis is that people began referring to it as “Helena’s cancer” or “her tumor.” Louise Hay uses the term “dis-ease” to describe physical or mental illness because it indicates that the person’s mind or body has created a condition that causes it to be unwell—in other words, not at ease. Along with seeking medical attention for the physical body, Louise Hay suggests understanding the metaphysical reasons behind a condition and creating a new “thought pattern.” (To see a list of common ailments and their metaphysical causes, check out this article.)

As we see it, although conditions like previous health habits, stress or environmental toxins may have created the cancer, ideally it’s a temporary condition. Treating the tumor as though it was something that was attacking Helena gave it far too much power.

I suggested using another name: “What about Clotilde?”

You know, it’s sort of a cranky granny name. If we treat her badly, she’ll only feel worse…but maybe if we give Clotilde* the attention she wants and help her to get over some of her unresolved issues—maybe she’ll decide it’s better to move on.

Decision made—Clotilde it was, and Clotilde she remains. For now.

Try This

When you have some time, take a look at some of the illnesses included in Louise Hay’s chart of Common Ailments and Their Metaphysical Causes. Do any of them ring true for you or the people you know? What are the thoughts or actions that you could take to invite a new way of thinking or being?

Want More?

If the condition or illness you were looking for isn’t here, send me a note and I’ll find it for you and send you the accompanying affirmation. Better yet, pick up a copy of Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life.

*NOTE: In Portuguese, the name is pronounced “Clo-CHEEL-gee.”

Related articles

• What’s Your Body Trying to Tell You?
• Gerson and Me: What IS the Gerson Therapy?

In many ways, the task of telling our families was made easier because The Gerson Institute in San Diego responded to our requests for information within 24 hours. Within another 3 days, we had an appointment scheduled with a Gerson-trained oncologist practicing in São Paulo. We had a strong team behind us and a powerful plan of action.

You wouldn’t think that this part of the process would be as difficult as it was, but it was almost harder than handling the information ourselves. We struggled with these thoughts:

• Were we ready to share?

• Would telling people make it more real?

• Were we feeling strong enough to go the process of sharing?

• Would they support our decision?

Ultimately, we decided that the best we could do was to explain how excited and positive we were feeling, and everything else that needed to happen would take care of itself.

What happened humbled and surprised us.

Helena’s brother Marcelo was devastated, as everyone has been. He was fearful about our decision not to use traditional medicine, but once we explained the facts—that Helena’s chances of survival are much greater using this protocol—he became one of our biggest supporters. Within days, he assembled Helena’s extended family to tell them the news so that we wouldn’t have to tell the news over and over.

Helena’s father was naturally worried that she was in pain, that she was suffering, unable to walk. Over the phone, I reassured him that other than having this small discomfort, she is gorgeous and healthy, mind and body! He would see for himself when we traveled there in 2 weeks.

My parents were amazing. They reminded Helena that she is their daughter, too. My father was the one who surprised me the most. He’s a self-described “Man of Science,” and after I laid out the facts about how we’d come to our decision, he expressed enthusiasm, excitement, and full support of the science and theory behind the approach.

But what really got me was when my Dad said:

The most important thing is that Helena believes in this. If this is going to work, she has to have faith in the approach.

As you know, it took us much longer to make the decision to go public with our story, but we’re so glad that we did. The support we’ve received from friends and strangers has been incredible. We read your comments aloud to one another each day and laugh and cry with gratitude.

People have offered to send us everything from ionic foot baths to organic coffee (for the enemas!). Neighbors have stopped by to help with scrubbing carrots and prepping greens for juicing so that we can rest and spend time together in between tasks.

The Carrot Fund

Our gardener, Alex, scrubbing and chopping carrots for juicing.

What’s more, our friends, and even strangers we’ve never met in person, have insisted on helping us to keep Viva Institute going so that we can focus on Helena’s care. To date, your donations have paid for our staff’s salaries and half our produce for the month. Your kindness and generosity has been overwhelming.

From the bottom of our hearts and the tops of our carrots, THANK YOU. We feel you here with us, we love you, and we know that one day, all of this love will come back to you. It always does.

It’s official! Just short of 2 years after beginning the process, I’m finally, officially, a Permanent Resident of Brazil!

Why this is so awesome:

• Cause it is.
• Now I can have a bank account and a driver’s license. I’m still waiting for my Resident Gift Bag, but I’m sure it’s on the way.
• As far as we know, we’re the 4th gay couple for whom the spouse has been granted citizenship as a result of our legal marriage in the US.
• They can’t kick me out. Not unless I do something really, really naughty. And not even then. I’d just go to jail. Which is highly, highly unlikely…

I had no idea that I’d be this excited.

Woooo-hoooooooo! OBA!

Related posts: 

• Brazilian Healthcare System and LGBT Rights
• Everything’s Gonna Be Fine, Fine, Fine
• Green Card Dementors.

What Happens When You Do Everything “Right” and Still Get Sick?.

I’m making the first of five rounds of coffee, thinking of our upcoming trip to see Joao de Deus. What will I ask him this time? I put a big pot of hot water on the stove to boil the utensils, and then I remember. The last time I visited, I asked for assistance with my lifelong struggle with living in the present.

I laugh at the thought. Here I am, fully absorbed in the tasks of Helena’s healing—a protocol so rigid that all one can do is to take each day one minute at a time. Scrub the carrots, chop the carrots, make the juice, add supplements, drink. Wash the juicer, check the next round of greens, put more coffee on the stove.

There are relatively few moments of down time in our life these days, but we’ve learned to adapt to the schedule so that we can get in a 30 minute walk at least once a day. We read passages of books aloud, working to understand how and why and now. We talk while we chop, and sometimes we just breathe and do. There is only now.

Yesterday fear made a nest in my head.

I cried off and on throughout the day, thinking only the very worst thoughts. By 5:00 pm  I was miserable—and our schedule was completely thrown off as a result. Nothing could shake it.

In Helena’s online course, Difficult People and Other Angels, she coaches participants to understand the messages behind challenging relationships. People learn to look for the gifts in each challenging life experience. Yesterday, I couldn’t find a single one.

Then, just before bed, I remembered Eckhart Tolle’s wisdom:

Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.

It was like a slap in the face. If I look at it moment by moment, our life is exceptionally beautiful. Yes, the way we spend our time has changed, but we’re spending more time together than ever before. The conversations we’re having require me to grow in ways I’d never intended or expected. In between, I spend much of my time in quiet ritual, which has become my new form of meditation.

Thinking “What if?” promotes guilt and remorse. “What next?” Worry and fear. Fully living Right Now means giving full attention to the sacredness of my life. Now is everything.

I am thinking of this as the dogs burst into the kitchen. While I was lost in thought, they discovered a ripe mango under the tree. Mina has learned to wait for them to drop, and it is an ecstatic experience every single time she finds one. She drops it on the mat and looks up at me with expectation of gratitude and praise.

I kneel and give thanks for the gift.

Just for Today

Just for today, do not worry.
Just for today, do not anger.
Just for today, be grateful.
Just for today, work honestly.
Just for today, be kind to others.

–The Five Reiki Principles, BY DR.MIKAO USUI

YOUR TURN

Today, as you revel in the beauty that is your life, allow yourself to fully experience each moment. Breathe it in great gulps, savoring the deliciousness of NOW. Later–not now–send me a note and tell me about it.

“I’m sorry I haven’t called,” they said meekly. “I didn’t know what to say.”

It’s easier than you think. Here’s our Top 3 List. We kept things simple:

1. I’m so sorry.

2. How are you doing?

3. How are you feeling?

After that, the pressure’s off. All you have to do is listen. Really listen.

More Recommendations

• Be positive. You can say things like: “You’re so wonderful—I know that if anyone can handle this, you can.”
• Speak from your heart. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel. Tell them how much you love them, how much they mean to you, and how you feel about them. If you cry, that’s OK too. Just say what you mean, as long as it doesn’t cross the line between being supportive and making it about you. (See below.)
• Be supportive. Tell them, “I’m here for you,” and mean it. Don’t feel like you have to promise things you can’t do or offer advice. Being fully emotionally present is more than enough.
  
• Be yourself. One of my favorite emails was from a longtime friend who began the email with a list of expletives. 

“Fuck, shit and fucking fuck. I guess I’m not as evolved as all of your other pals, and miracles are more your department than mine….but I am sure as shit in the market for one all of a sudden. FUCK!”

You know what? She’s right. It DOES suck. And I fucking admired the fact that she was willing to let it all hang out…I laughed my fucking ass off when I read it, and that was just what I fucking needed at the moment.

Of course, if it’s more your style to offer prayers, light, love, or rainbow sparkles with glitter on top…DO IT. Be your most authentic self.

• Don’t make it about you. A friend told us that when she shared the news with her best friend, she responded: “I’m having the worst month…and now this!” This isn’t about you.
• Talk to the caregiver. They need support, too. Check in to see how they’re doing from time to time.
• Don’t feel like you have to DO anything…although the “What to Do” list is coming up! Just be present.

NOTE: I’m hopeful that this list could be helpful when someone is grieving the loss of a loved one or any traumatic event.

Got  more recommendations? I’d love to hear them.

I wake early to begin my day of research. The main reason for our excitement after watching Curing Cancer From the Inside Out is that The Gerson Therapy is so clearly in alignment with the way we live. Instead of focusing on the disease (or dis-ease, as Louise Hay calls it), the Gerson Therapy treats the body as a whole. If you give the body what it needs, it can heal itself.

One of the amazing “coincidences” is that we already had two books about the Gerson Therapy on our bookshelf! Helena snuggles up in a big chair to read while I read reviews, testimonials, and research about the effectiveness of this treatment. Here’s what I learned:

History

• 

  Dr. Max Gerson

  The Gerson Therapy was developed by German Dr. Max Gerson in the 1920′s. The therapy was initially developed as a diet to treat migraines, and during this time he learned that it was also effective in treating tuberculosis. In a carefully monitored clinical trial conducted at the Munich University Hospital, 446 out of 450 skin tuberculosis patients treated with the Gerson diet recovered completely.

• His most famous patient was Dr. Albert Schweitzer, whom Gerson cured of advanced diabetes when Schweitzer was 75. Schweitzer returned to his African hospital, won the Nobel prize, and worked past age 90. Schweitzer wrote:

“I see in Dr. Gerson one of the most eminent geniuses in the history of medicine.”

–Dr. Albert Schweitzer, Nobel Prize Winner

• During WWII, Dr. Gerson and his family escaped Nazi Germany and moved to New York, where he was licensed to practice in 1938. For the next 20 years, he began treating cancer patients with the “radical” theory that diet could affect health–that chronic disease could be cured through nutrition.
• In 1958, after thirty years of clinical experimentation, Gerson published A Cancer Therapy: Results of 50 Cases.The book details the theories, treatment, and results achieved during his lifetime.
• In 1959, Dr. Gerson died of pneumonia, although I found other reports that there was evidence of arsenic poisoning during an illness the previous year.
• In 1977, Dr. Gerson’s daughter Charlotte opened the Charlotte Gerson Health Restoration Center in Mexico so that patients can learn the basic theory and preparation the Gerson Diet in person.

*Much of this information was found on The Gerson Institute’s website.

How does the Gerson Therapy work?

What I love about this therapy is that it’s fundamentally rooted in science–really brilliant science. I’ll get into some of the really nerdy stuff later (which I’ve been known to totally “geek out” on). For today, here are the two basic strategies for cure.

1. Detox

The Gerson Therapy is designed to remove all of the toxins from the body. Toxins create cancer and impede the body’s natural ability to heal. The therapy includes an organic vegetarian diet (done!) and five coffee enemas per day (what??!!), which cleanse the liver and the blood from all toxins. In addition, sugar, fat, salt, and alcohol are eliminated from the diet, because all of these “feed” cancer. (I’ll get into very specific details about each of these in future posts.)

2. Build the immune system

The main theory and success behind the Gerson Therapy is that cancer is an autoimmune disease. By eliminating toxins and super strengthening the immune system, the body will return to its natural state of health, and will have the ability to fight the cancer without the use of toxic chemicals, which actually inhibit the immune system. Patients drink 13 juices a day and take a sackful of nutritional supplements.

organic carrot juice

Making Contact

I end my first day of research by sending an email to The Gerson Institute in San Diego, CA, to find out what kind of support we could get here in Brazil. The institute has clinics in Mexico and Hungary, but flying to Mexico for 2 weeks just isn’t in the budget. We grow all of the ingredients needed to do this therapy right here on our farm. It just makes sense.

You can learn more information about Gerson Institute on Facebook.

Movie Night

Thanks to YouTube, we’re able to watch many films right here on the farm. The Gerson Miracle is one of the first we watched. Although the opening credits remind me of the beginning of Young Frankenstein, the film gives a great overview of what we’re up to:

Quotables

“Life is amazing. There is no way I could have done this without the support and love of my family and friends. Those who challenge me just made me really dig in to my research, and made me justify even more that I KNOW what I am doing is right, and is working. I am so thankful for those who did question my motives on this therapy, mainly because I know they care. They care enough to make sure I do what will heal me, and because of the challenge, I did find what would best heal me, and it has proven itself, yet again.” –Marcia Schaefer, our friend who cured two types of cancer after using the Gerson Therapy for 10 months

The effects of cancer treatment are often worse than the disease itself and frequently hasten death rather than prevent it. A 33-year study by the late Dr. Hardin Jones, Professor of Medical Physics University of California, found that “untreated cancer victims live up to four times longer than treated individuals.” (The Betrayal of Health by Dr. Joseph Beasley)

“Cancer patients who undergo radiation therapy have a 20 per cent higher mortality rate than non-radiated ones.” (The Lancet, Summer 1998).

“A cancer patient who is subjected to both chemotherapy and radiation risks getting secondary tumours 25 times the normal rate.” (The Cancer Industry by Ralph Moss, PhD.)

Related articles

• 5-Year Survival Rates of Melanoma Patients Treated by Diet Therapy After the Manner of Gerson
   (Gerson Research Organization)
• Healing the Gerson Way (madisonhollandfoundation.com)
• Your body the healer (aboundingwellness.wordpress.com)
• The Anti-Cancer Diet : Cancer Fighting Foods and Spices (blissreturned.wordpress.com)

9:00 am

When Gilvania doesn’t arrive for work at 8:30, I wonder if she’s taken her first sick day since she began working with us a year and a half ago. When we call she is quiet and evasive. We ask her to come back to work only when she’s ready.

I get online and get to work. My first search is “anal cancer, prognosis.”

The most concise article is from the UK, and a quick scan provides the following:

• Anal cancer is an uncommon malignancy, accounting for only about 4% of all cancers of the lower alimentary tract.
• 80% of anal cancers are squamous cell carcinomas. (Check.)
• Radiation therapy alone may lead to a five-year survival rate in excess of 70%, although high doses may be required and cause necrosis or fibrosis.

Wait, what? Five year survival rate? That’s it?

I keep reading.

Under prognosis, I find the following:

• Anal cancer is usually curable. The three major prognostic factors are site (anal margin tumours are better differentiated and have a better prognosis than anal canal tumours), size (primary tumours less than 2 cm in size have better prognoses), and lymph node status.
• Radiation therapy, given as external-beam or brachytherapy, has a cure rate of 70-90% in selected patients. The cure rate is about 50% for those with tumours larger than 5 cm or if lymph nodes are involved.
• The reported five-year survival rate following surgery is 40-70%.

My heart sinks. Helena has an undifferentiated tumor and it’s larger than 5 cm. We won’t know about the lymph nodes until we get the results of next week’s MRI.

And what’s with this five year survival rate statistic?

What happens after five years?

Helena calls me from the dining room where she’s been doing her own research. She’s come across a support site for women with anal cancer. Of the members of the group who have had surgery, chemo and radiation, 100% of them will be using colostomy bags for the rest of their lives. They describe, in graphic detail, the effects of the radiation. One woman described that the walls of her vaginal and anal canals are now “fused,” and she is in constant pain.

Helena points to the screen and says, “Are you looking at this?”

I nod. “So basically you end up with a cu-ceta.” (In Portuguese, “cu” is slang for ass, and “buceta” is slang for vagina. I combined them to create one word.)

We laugh at my pun, but it’s not funny.

3:00 pm

We continue our research well into the afternoon until I finally call it off. Enough’s enough.

We make a late lunch but neither of us can eat, so we go to bed.

Helena cries, asking me, “What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know yet,” I respond. “We just need to keep asking for answers.”

When we wake, it’s dark outside. For about five hours we sit on the couch, alternating between crying and silence. This makes no sense. We always said that if either of us got sick, we’d never use traditional medicine…too barbaric, too medieval. We’ve always believed that if you give it what it needs, the body can heal itself.

But sometimes fear is stronger than reason.

“Maybe we should just do it,” Helena says. “Let’s just do the radiation and see if it works.”

We cry and cry, and cry some more, and then I agree. Yes. This is what we need to do. We will be aggressive about this.

9:00 pm

We make a big dinner, which neither of us eats, and then Helena goes to the bookshelf and pulls out a video that my father brought with him from the US when he visited 2 months ago: Healing Cancer From the Inside Out. When they visited we were in the middle of a series of back-to-back retreats, so we put it on the shelf and didn’t think of it again.

Within the first 10 minutes, we are looking at each other in disbelief:

It’s midnight when the film finishes, and we’re full of more energy than we’ve had in five days.

“This is what I’m doing,” she says. “There’s no question.”

I hold her hands and look into her eyes. She’s practically dancing with excitement.

“I believe this can work,” I tell her. “I know we can do this.”

“We WILL do this,” she corrects me. “I’m going to cure this!”

For the first time in five days, I feel hope.

Want more?

Listen to this interview with Mike Anderson, the director of Healing Cancer from the Inside Out. In it, he very clearly explains what the “five year survival rate” statistic means:

Related articles

• Day 1: Diagnosis (liveyourbliss.wordpress.com)
• Chemo Kills, Cancer Doesn’t! (mschaeferdc.wordpress.com)
• Helena’s Healing Circle (helenashealingcircle.wordpress.com)

Hora de Madrugada

We barely sleep, taking turns listening to the sound of each other breathing. Although we’re back in the bed where we spent the first 3 months of our life in Brazil, the nighttime sounds of Copacabana are unsettling. I pray in 30 second bursts throughout the night.

7:00 am

I walk to a corner market to buy the massive amounts of Gatorade that Helena’s required to drink before the colonoscopy. We called the office and asked whether she could drink agua de coco instead (coconut water is also packed full of electrolytes), but they insist. Again, I ask myself: “Why are we doing this?”

It’s more information, that’s all.

2:00 pm

We arrive early for the appointment. The nurse tells me that the entire procedure will take about an hour and a half. I kiss Helena and hold her arms before she goes in, wishing her sweet dreams.

I sit down to wait. I ask for guidance for the doctor, calm for Helena, and I pray for the other anxious families, wishing them peace with whatever the results may be.

I look at my watch and only 3 minutes have passed. I jiggle my foot for another minute, then tell the receptionist that I’ll be back.

When I emerge from the cool building I am momentarily stunned by blinding sunlight. I feel the tears well, put on my sunglasses, and continue walking. A corner stand is selling the bitter Italian lemon ice that I loved as a kid, and I give in to the momentary comfort of the familiar flavor. There’s a large park across the street and I walk to the very center, where I sit at the base of a large statue to rest and wait.

That’s when I remember that it’s Thanksgiving Day in the US, and I’ve forgotten to call my parents. The tears come, and I struggle for about 20 seconds before pushing them back. If I let it all go, I’m afraid I won’t stop.

I pray and pray and pray, knowing that I will not make bargains with God. We chose this path— long before we ever met. One day we’ll understand.

I remove my glasses and squint up at the sun, waiting. There will be no answers today.

When I return to the office an hour later, they tell me that Helena is ready. They lead me to a recovery room where I find her looking remarkably radiant. “I finally got some rest!” she laughs. We wait and talk, and then the doctor calls us into his office to review the results.

I can see from his face that the results aren’t good. He his serious but kind as he tells us that the tumor is very large, and most certainly inoperable. I hold Helena’s hand and ask him if it’s spread. He shows us the photos and says, no, he doesn’t think that it’s spread to the intestines.

“So this is good news,” I comment, looking him directly in the eye.

“Yes,” he says, looking down. “It’s very treatable by radiotherapy if it’s contained to the site of the tumor.”

I squeeze Helena’s hand, and in her eyes, I see fear.

“It’s treatable,” I remind her. “This is good news.”

We ask a few more questions, but I can feel that there’s something the doctor isn’t saying.

6:00 pm

We make our way back up the mountain.

Related articles

• Day 1: Diagnosis (liveyourbliss.wordpress.com)

Wednesday, November 23

8:30 am

When Gilvania arrives for work I know that I can’t keep this news from her. She could see that something was wrong when we tore out of the house on Monday morning, barely speaking to her or one another.

Helena is still in bed and I don’t have the heart to tell Gilvania that it’s cancer. Instead, I tell her that we’re going to be taking a lot of tests during the next few weeks to find out what’s wrong with Helena. She nods seriously, and asks me:

“Is it cancer?”

I can’t meet her eyes. “We’re not sure yet.”

“Ela não tem uma cara de cancer,” she tells me. “She doesn’t have the face of cancer.”

“É verdade,” I agree. “Ela não tem.”

We don’t say it, but we both know that she knows.

3:00 pm

Helena’s procedure is scheduled for Thursday but we’ll need to spend the night in Rio so that she can drink all of the required potions to prepare for the procedure. Gilvania makes us an enormous lunch and packs up some greens for afternoon smoothies, and we wind our way back down the mountain.