I know, I know…I disappeared!
Night blooming flower of Organ Pipe Cactus. Photographed at Organ Pipe National Monument, Arizona, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
While Helena visited with John of God for 10 days, I snuck in a quick visit to the States to hang out with my parents.
When I booked the trip two months ago, I burst into tears at the thought of leaving Brazil. I didn’t know if Helena would be well enough for me to leave or if I would have the courage to go. Read the rest of this entry
When I was four I explained the holidays like this: “The Angel Gabriel came down and told Mary that she was going to have a baby, and on Christmas, Santa gave us the Baby Jesus. Then he dressed up like an angel and gave everyone valentines and lucky charms. The Easter Bunny put Jesus inside an egg for all the children to find, and when a baby chick popped out he was born again.”
About a week ago I fell down the rabbit hole and I couldn’t get out. I woke up each morning resolving to have a good day, and I prayed my way into daylight. By lunchtime, whatever good feelings I’d created were gone. Even my nighttime routine of stretching, clearing myself of any sadness or fear, and praying for Grace seemed futile.
Here’s the question that no one talks about: when your present moment SUCKS, how the hell are you supposed to feel good about it?
For example: when your husband of 30 years leaves you for a 19-year-old, how is that OK? If you’re on the verge of filing for bankruptcy after starting the business venture of your dreams and you’re not sure how you’re going to buy dinner, should you focus on that yellow butterfly as a sign that everything will be fine? And when you’re facing the idea that the person you spent your entire life looking for might die, where’s the peace in that?
I finally wrote my way out. I wrote down all of the worries, the questions, and the fears. I wrote about my uncertainty about the future, my frustration with not even knowing what to do with my day. My loathing of my uncertainty even within this present moment. (A contradiction in terms, yes. If we’re uncertain, then we’re not in the present, are we?)
Then I asked myself: “How can I make the present moment something worth getting up for?”
The answer came in a quiet voice: “Remember that there is a plan for you life. You are a creative being—you came to create. Don’t lose sight of this, even within this difficult present.”
I started with 3 simple, tangible goals. One goal for each of these areas:
I asked myself what my biggest dream is for each of these areas…and then I allowed myself some room to play. I envisioned myself 30 years from now, living out the best version of myself. What does she do when she gets up in the morning? What does she think about? How does she spend her time? In imagining this, I fell in love with that wise woman all over again.
I worked my way back: what can I do TODAY to honor each of these goals? I realized that it was very simple: I wrote, I walked, and I prayed.
And I found my way back into the Light.
Don’t hold your breath. Breathe life and joy back into your day.
—Claude Venter
Are you a Lightworker? If your answer is “yes,” or even “maybe,” then it’s likely that you are. You’re joining a group of people around the world who have joined together at this time to better the lives of so many of us.
Today, I’m writing to invite you to join us in our new Closed Group on Facebook, where many of you are already meeting to discuss topics related to spirituality, meditation practices, living a more peaceful and happy life, and understanding the meaning behind our dreams. To join us, search for “Lightworkers Forum” on Facebook or CLICK HERE and then click “Ask to Join” on the top right of the page.
When our website launched in June 2010, Lightworkers Forum was included as a Members Only online community on our website so that people could practice meditation techniques, continue their psychic development and create community in a private space. Since that time, social media like Facebook, Twitter, and Google + have expanded to create a new kind of dialogue in “real time,” so we’ve decided to provide that space as well. There is no cost to join—just ask and you’ll be received!
For $11/month, members of Viva’s Members Only community will receive access to articles written by our contributors (Creating Your Flow, I Sing for the Dead, Astrology NOW, and others). In addition, members can submit questions to our team of Psychics in Training as part of the biweekly Psychic Challenge. Our psychics will receive feedback on their readings in order to provide trustworthy guidance to your questions.
Thank you for all that you’re doing to lift the consciousness of this planet. You are here now for a reason—we’re so grateful that you’re here!
NOTE: If you have friends who might enjoy joining our Facebook community, please feel free to pass along this invitation.
About an hour after I wrote the post Dances With Cancer, Helena’s condition suddenly took a turn for the worse. She started feeling achy, feverish, and exhausted. Her color turned a pale greyish yellow, and she could barely keep her eyes open.
I stopped what I was doing and got her into bed. (Not before doing a coffee enema, of course. This is the recommended treatment when a reaction like this happens, because the body immediately needs to be flushed of any roaming toxins.) Helena joined the guests again for dinner, had some Hippocrates soup and juice, and went back to bed.
The aches, chills, and fevers continued throughout the night, and when I woke at 6 am, she was covered in sweat, still in deep sleep. When I finally woke her at 7:30 am for the first coffee break of the day, she looked terrible. Her skin was the same pallid color, and she was sweaty, achy, and exhausted.
I calmly told Helena that after her coffee break, she was going back to bed for the day. Inside, I was feeling really, really scared.
I ran between preparing coffee for Helena, warm lemon water for the guests, orange juice (Helena), a shot of chlorophyll (guests), oatmeal (Helena), and raw granola, fresh fruit and nutmilk (guests). All this before 8 am!
Just as I was telling the guests that Helena wouldn’t be leading meditation that morning, she appeared at the window, fully dressed and smiling. “Are you ready to get started?”
I looked at her in amazement, and she grinned back, her eyes absolutely full of Helena. Then I walked into the kitchen and burst into tears.
On Sunday after our guests left, Helena went back to bed, and I got on Facebook to chat with my Gerson pals. We’ve been waiting for the illusive Healing Reaction that so many of our friends have experienced and seem to hope for. Was this it?
I listed Helena’s symptoms:
(NOTE: I often joke that caregivers have flare-ups, too. Add “an intense desire to consume large amounts of chocolate” to my list of symptoms!)
Typical of my Facebook Gerson group’s response (which is why I love them), I received a resounding, “Yes, it sounds like a Healing Reaction…did she do an enema? Hang in there!”
A Healing Reaction—also referred to as a flare-up—is a sign that the body is detoxifying, and this is a good thing. It’s the whole point, really. Many Gerson patients have observed that following a really big healing reaction, patients suddenly find a decrease in their symptoms.
We’ve been told that there’s a big flare-up that happens around Week 7 (didn’t happen) and then another around the third or fourth month. Yesterday marked the end of the third month. We have friends who seem to have an intense Healing Reaction every month, and others who never had one but were cured after 18 months.
As our friends Claude and Marcia put it earlier today:
“It all depends on what you brought to the party from your life [before you started the Gerson Therapy.]“
Some party, huh?
We’ve also been advised that Helena’s brief reaction could be an indication that something bigger is on the way, and given her symptoms today, I think that’s a strong possibility.
No clue. We’ve read stories of people who go into a coma-like state and are hospitalized as a result of a Healing Reaction and then wake up to discover that the tumor had literally been absorbed by the body overnight!
That’s why I’ve been calling it the Golden Snitch. We see small improvements here and there, but if we catch the Snitch-like Healing Reaction, will we get an instant 150 point bonus and win the game?
We sure hope so.
NOTE: For our friends out there who are doing the Gerson Therapy, I’d love to hear about your experience with Healing Reactions. How long have you been doing the therapy? How many flare-ups have you had? How long do they last? What are your symptoms? If there’s anything I’ve missed, I’ll be sure to update this post.
Yesterday we took the plunge and reopened Viva’s Institute’s retreat center for the first time in 4 months. WE’RE BACK!
After Helena gave her workshop in Rio, the phone started ringing with people who want a slice of Viva. We talked it over and decided that we’d give it a try. To ease our way in, we’re starting with a small group and a 2-day weekend. It’s a test run to see how everything rolls.
Is it possible to do the Gerson Therapy while running a raw food retreat center? It’s probably too soon to answer, but it’s Saturday afternoon and so far, so good. The coffee’s a brewin’, the juices are flowing, and Helena is dancing.
It’s amazing how often I hear the words, “I don’t know how you two do it…” This is usually followed by:
“How do you stay so positive?”
The truth is that we don’t. We have sad days and cranky days and dark nights of the soul when sleep doesn’t come until 5 am, and then the alarm goes off an hour later, signaling that it’s time for more coffee.
I guess the difference—although I don’t claim to know how anyone else does this—is that we don’t allow ourselves to stay in a place of sadness or self pity for very long. In the moments when I think, “How can we possibly get through this?” and no answers come, that’s when I ask for grace.
Just when we were starting to feel like all of the fun had been sucked out of our lives, “WHOOOOOOSH!” Down came our friend Katee to the rescue, dressed in her superhero cape, bearing goodies and care packages from friends near and far. Chocolates and books and shoes and lip balm and scarves…and jeans that actually fit!
Katee left her husband and children in Pennsylvania for the week and came prepared to juice and wash dishes, but Helena had other plans in mind. We woke up Tuesday morning and headed for Rio, where we became tourists in our own city. We drank caipirinhas with friends (at least I did) on Copacabana Beach and watched the sun go down. Wednesday morning we walked on Ipanema Beach and drank cold agua de coco fresh from the coconut while ogling Rio’s finest display of hot buttered flesh.
Then we drove up the coast to a beach we haven’t seen since moving to Brazil. It’s amazing that even in our search for bliss, we became those people that we said we never would—you know the people who live near the beach but never see the water?
On Wednesday we changed that. We played in the ocean and got knocked down by waves and laughed at each other and ourselves in what felt like an endless day of laughter.
When we made our way back up the mountains as the sun was going down, I put my bare feet through the car window, closed my eyes, and just breathed. I breathed in the memory of every salty, sandy, summery day I’ve ever known and told myself: “Today. Today was the best day. And tomorrow is the next.”
“One of the immutable laws of being human is that the people who show up are the right people.” –Anne Lamott
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